Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Faux-Fang Vampire

Twelve or thirteen year-old spectre haunting the Mahogany avenue at 37 beneath where the bats hang upside down. He has his hand to his mouth. He stirs the cars to motion and makes me wonder why. Then he ghosts up to my window and drops his hand. Geez, he has two-inch fangs for canines, and he tries to shock you to give him money. I thought him unfortunate but a friend thinks they were faux fangs.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Monday, November 21, 2011

Give the Bone a Dog

Yes, I wrote and meant that. Give the bone a dog. Imagine my voluptuous stimulation on hearing that profligate, plundering Portugal, who formerly came to explore, and then exploit, Angola is now imploring Her to save Him from imploding. Asking Her to buy fat stakes in His ex-economy. Oh, give the bone a dog!

Sunday, November 20, 2011


I have not felt the want of anything so badly in such a long time. I espied a loafing, adorable urchin on my street this morning, while everybody was at church. He was gazing over a dwarf fence into a neighbour’s compound. Even from far, I could tell his naughty contemplation. As I got closer, I saw his bait: a chandelier of low-hanging green mangoes. He panned from the fruit to my face, and then back. His honest hankering made me almost stop to aid the trespass. Such simple hunger! It is a feeling I have not had about anything in yonks. And the mangoes were not even ripe!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Pre-Mall Accra

I only do blue-moon drop-ins at the Accra Mall. The cars and crowds are too “clustered thick as seeds”. I nurse a middling memory of pre-mall Accra. There was the government’s GNTC. It lay down and died when I was still an embryo. Chandirams went out like a candle. Kingsway kicked the bazaar bucket. Glamour walked the plank, and UTC bit the dust. Melcom survived (sometimes on a respirator, I think). A&C came and found a niche and reposed in it. There weren’t too many cars, then; Kingsway’s palm-size car park worked just fine. There was no colourful range of glittering goods to spike your Saturday surprise. Now, as then, some stay at home. Then, there was too little (to choose from). Now, there are too many (people to shove out of the way).

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Unlawful Business of Serving Food in a Whites-Only Club in Accra

An Italian uomo hissed at a black Afri-lady that she could not gain membership of his degustation restaurant in Accra because she was “not white”. He laughed while hissing. She was outraged, and waged war through social media. The unsavoury jibe jarred on the public psyche-palate. The government boys ‘came to town’ and closed down the ‘club’.

I believe the Italian man. I believe that he was just joking. The Afri-lady was with a Spaniard and a Japanese national when the pellets smacked the ceiling. I understand that the Japanese was a member of the club. I have doubts that the Italian uomo would have thought the Japanese white. Plus, if there was real racism going on, why would they not simply make it a private, members-only gig? Why would they allow non-whites to walk in and eat, and only withhold membership with its (usually) dubious benefits?

That said, I believe it was a very lame defence for the Italian man to say the fact that he was married to a black woman was proof that he was not racist. Very lame!

So, I believe that it was a mere jackass joke, and not true jaundice.

But the joke exposed him. He was operating a legit, front-room, raw seafood shop and an unlawful, backroom, seafood eatery. He evaded certain taxes by giving worthless scribbles on paper as receipts. He was cheating the nation.

So, a cruel, ill-thought, stupid, unnecessary joke exposed the poor man to odium, opprobrium and ‘government matter’. Hopefully, he thinks before he speaks next time, but I don't think he is racist. Enough of this row now.